Baby lolita, Gothic lolita, Angel Lolita

I am a girl in a baby lolita style dress with blonde straight hair. I am an orphan and have moved into an orphanage, but just arrived to a new location. the house has a front pront and is two stories, it looks haunted. The yard is dirt and yellow grass surrounded by an old chipped white fence and gate. Across the street are brick houses, there yards neatly separated by shrubs. The orphanage manager is a girl a few years older than me, also in Lolita style. She just inherited the house and seems strict and straight faced. Before a boy goes into the house he shouts, that his parents are in the far house at the end of this street. he knows because the tree in the yard will have a crack from a lightning strike. I knew sometime was wrong, and maybe he wasn't an orphan after all. So I ran out of the gate to see the tree and tell his parents where the little boy was.

There wasn't a crack in the tree, and I felt sad for the boy. I turned and looked back at the house I just ran from, the young caregiver was walking towards me and I felt afraid. I heard a sound from next to an old parked truck. When I looked I saw a black haired lolita girl crouched next to it, she motioned for me to join her. She said the house, the caregiver, it was all evil and we must escape. She climbed into the truck bed and I went towards the drivers seat, but was cut off by the stern face of our caregiver. She pulled a wooden paddle and asked me to grasp the top of the truck bed door. The other girl was afraid for me and reached out to grab the caregivers hand. She was slapped back and told to wait her turn. I did what was asked of me and stared the caregiver into the eyes. She began to crack my knuckles over with the paddle, but I didn't flinch. I knew I wasn't going to feel pain and I was the master of this world. Her eyes widened and turned to narrowing cat eyes. She turned to my new friend, and roughly grabbed her face and began to hit her brow. I shouted at her because I knew my new friend wasn't as strong. Suddenly we hear a car door slam in the old houses driveway.

A woman in a tan trench coat with golden hair, shouts "Where is my son?!" The caregiver looks up and hisses, "He is gone, no one is here." She climbs off of my friend and rushes towards the house. My black haired Lolita dressed friend has a blooded eye, she holds her face disgusted at what she may look like. The distraught mother storms into the house, followed by her husband, and then the caregiver. My friend and I know we must help them. We rush back, past the porch to a wooden archway that leads into the back yard. Thorns and grabbing branches lean down at us and help my friend through them. We run into the back door. The house is beautiful  with rich dark red carpet and wooden panneling walls. 

There on a mantle shelf we see a silver frame begin to crack and burn like it was on fire. The walls do the same, black ash rising into the air, the door behind us was desentagrating. I threw the door open for it to crack and fall apart. I yell for my friend to run. The house, creaking and falling apart like charred paper behind us we run through the grabbing branches again. A large spider crawls from the arch way we must get through, my black haired friend is fighting off the grabbing thorns and is afraid. But everywhere I look the once scary things turn to a normal state, the spider turns into nothing more than vines and logs. The truck we were to escape in has pulled to the driveway and and jump in the back trusting who was driving. 

As we drive away, my perspective changes to looking over my blonde haired and white lolita body next too my black haired black lolita dressed friend. I am the caregiver now standing over them. I look at my hands then back to where the girls once were, it is now me staring into my reflection of the back truck window. Through the window I see a older blonde woman driving the truck. I am afraid of myself  and wish to be the blonde girl and my black haired friend again.The truck stops to a parking lot. All 3 of us climb out of the back, but I am still in the caregivers perspective. My black haired friend is barely alive, scattered fragments collapsed on a box. My blonde self is phases from her human face to rough stitched up rag doll. She warns "The #$%^%& is coming." It's a word I don't know but instantly fear. 

I hear a whisper behind me. What I see is the older blonde woman put herself between us and a tall figure. He has a ragged transparent grey cloak, long bony grey arms reaching out from underneath, with jagged nails. His face was most terrifying, with thin angler fish like teeth jutting out from his jaws, his eyes tiny and black. I fear him and new his purpose. He was about to consume my blonde and black hair self. Now I am the woman who drove us away. I am saying "No she isn't what you want." I am pushing at his body but i am unable to feel any pressure against the sheer transparent body. His hands reaches out and grasps the black haired Lolita on the nape, her hands and face being breathed in through his teeth like smoke. I yell for it to stop, but in my fear I lost control of this world. Next he reaches out to my blonde ragdoll faced lolita self, shreds of her at slurped through the teeth. I am again in the caregivers body no long watching this unfolded but now living it. I look most like myself in this body with red hair and black and white Lolita dress. I am  in front of him, his teeth sharp and menacing in front of my face. Time slows and I turn to see the tall blonde older woman stand hopelessly. She is wearing a men button up white shirt and black slacks. I do not know her face. I think, "I don't want to feel pain, I do not want to feel fear, It's time I give up this world."

Then I wake up.

Magical Theater Dream (7/22/2007)

one day in school there was a substitue teacher. She was huge with a bright orange dress and bright red hair. There were double doors that appeared on the wall of a empty class room. The substitue took me and chris through the doors. It was a huge bed room. She changed us in great clothes. she wanted us to be her main children in a magical theater production for her followers in the magical kingdom. I was in a white flowing dres with laced up in the back and chris was in something simular with pants. He didnt have glasses and his hair was longer. Her request of us was to adore her, and tell her things children usualy would say to there parents or authority figures in the movies. Chris was on the ball, he spat every thing he could. But I...went blank, i never remembered one thing from those movies. I became weak and i kneeled down on the floor, i could see her power imulatatign from her body, i weeped and threw myself on the floor. She slide her hand on my back and said its ok its ok, but can you sing. As i sat up i noticed chris had change form...something more lowly and dependant to the woman, soem kind of creature i didnt know the name of. He was still spewing flatters and this woman who was growing more and more uglier to me. I could only remember the song that the little mermaid sang as her voice was being taken away by the evil sea witch. I began the melody.. the long series of ah's riseing higher and higher. chris changed form into a mischivious creature known for sayign distastfulthing. Hes skin was tan and hsi had messy pale yellow hair. His face pointy like a mouse and he was lanky with rags on him. He began to say things disrespectful to the woman and she began getting angry. she made him dissappear. I began to walk towards the stage, my dress began to shine and sparkle into a sequend gold and silver dress. I was singing on stage, and the lights turned on. people were dancing corographicly...glitter was falling from the sky and they all were singing a song i never heard before. Infront of the stage was a large fat toad like man, he was the conducter and mouthing the words to me. I sang what i could make out the rest was.. filler words that sounded like the words. I tried to do somthign on stage, like back up then come forward again. i backed up and ran into the people dancing. Suddenly doors burst open from everywhere! People flooding in form there classroom, all under a delusion they were in there next class. We all appear together on a swing. Like the boat ride at a theme park. They all were under a spell, besides the one with magical gifts. there was a boy sitting behind me that wasn't singign along with the rest of the people. I appered beside him for some reason. I had learned information out of nowhere and i began to speak with him. I told him, "that woman that is conducting us now is a witch. If you do not sing and act liek the rest of us she will turn you into a snake and kill you". On the words" turn you into a snake and kill you" we swooped by her minion on stage, on the returning swing i heard it repeat the phrase to the witch. I said aloud..someone heard me. I heard door slam open, it was the same double wide doors open, As i looked threw there, the classroom were changing. highschoolers were peering into the door from the classrooms, but they couldn't get in. The lights switched off loudly, and the swing stood still. the highschoolers broke of there spell began to run for the door. I sensed a war approching in the theater.... I stood upon a chair, and shouted "All people of magical desent stay for the contreversy that is approaching!" Some people stoped in the crowd and began to step out, there friends followed.
Like solders standing out on the battlefield, the magical gifted highschools and soem mortals sat in a row at the back of theaters facing the magical evil creatures. I looked accross the seats on my right and found the boy i warned earlyer. His appearance had changed, he was taller and his hair was jet black. He was wearing black jeins and a blue and green sweater. He smiled and gave a nod, i returned the gester. I saw on either side he had a friend holding his hand. With me i had chris back at my side and a girl who didnt have anyone stay with her. Creatures began to move forward...the first wave were short goblins and gnomes. Unsure of my abilitys I stood and tried on a few gnome first. I jsut had to image what i wanted them to do. I shouted freeze! and the gnomes turned chilly blue and shattered. The other short creatures saw the threat and was taken aback...then came mroe forcably. The other boy stood and tried the same. It worked for him and more creatures shattered. I began to make sounds and imaged the distruction i was causing these creature. Lightning shot from my hands and i took out a wave of flying bat creatures. The trolls began to come forward with swords, I realized the mortal had nothign to defend there self with. I created swords out of the air and they appears in there hands. Everyone stood ready to fight. A large bubble filled with glowing black and gold swirls grew bigger, it was from one of the witches at the front of the theater. When it burst a flash was sent over the theater and a vial of grey darkness covered them. Creatures of all sizes flooded through the vail and gave us no time to properly repare ourselves. With a sword in my hand and my other causeign the smaller creature burst into spliters i faught vigeriously with a yell in my throat. A slowing effect began to engulf the scene.. i saw mortals and magicals fighting like warriors al around me, mortal masters with swords and magicals spewing fire and ice at creature killign them in a single blow. As i turned to see infront of me and large glowing sword was stuck in the ground and being pulled out by a large hand. The time paced itsel back to normal and i saw a huge troll infront of me raising his sword. Because it was so close i stabbed him with my sword and slashed his belly. And spun around. There was a line of creatures simular to the yellow basterd in sin city. I tried to blow thier heads up... but my magic was invencable, and they had magic of there own. One appeared right infront of my nose, his stale sour breath on my face and a green grin on his. He pinned my hands to the wall with his power..... And thats where my dream ends.

Dreams and emotional attatchment

There are dreams of significance only in that you recognize the people and places you are in. But what happens you are thrust in a new places with new people and you are a new person. There are widely detailed dreams I have been apart of that took emotional tolls on me. I am not that person, I do not know these people, but I feel the friendship, love, and loyalty to them as if they are with me in my waking hours. The situations that are most heart wrenching are those in the middle of a situation I am meant to help. No only do these dreams not conclude but they end at critical moments when these people needed me the most. Torn from that life when I wake up comes with feelings of separation, guilt, and lose. In my haze I try to go back there, laying still, hoping to finish the dream or complete my goals. It doesn't come but instead I have another dream unrelated, pushing the other from my mind but leaving the feeling of missing something. Knowing that you miss something but don't know what is the worst curses humankind all shares.

5/26/2012 Dream part 2

People and I are escaping a mall type place. before making it out we are corners and forced into a store area. Inside are piles of new merchandise from clothes to mattresses to shoes and toys. There are moving machinery and one of us barricade the doors. We now look like people from the show Community. I have an urge to begin organizing the strewn warehouse. Everyone follows suit and helps me, allowing me to direct them. I am in a simple dress and I want to change my outfit. I pick and chose through the piles of clothes . My outfit is now a baggy grey and salmon t-shirt with a green jacket loosely on and my pants are the same salmon color and have a crouch that goes from my waste to my knees then turn into tights. I then remember we were escaping from someone. I began to formulate a escape plan and realise there are several doors tot he outside. I push stuff away from the farthest corner door and open it. it is a empty alley and it is cold and raining outside. I hear the bad peoples voices around the corner. when I come back in and turn around the room is perfectly organized. In the middle looks like store shelves stocked neatly. I get distracted by a group of large dolls the team found. There are wigs and heads and complete dolls. I want to present them well and pick out outfits for each of them and organize the extra heads and wigs. I remember the door tot he outside just as a dumb girl goes to the wrong one. She is ready to escape and doesn't listen to me when I say there are enemies near the door she wants to go out of. I agree to let her go as long as I can construct a locking mechanism behind her. Shortly after I have a latch on the door and she leaves and I lock it. She screams and bangs on the door before the bad people snatch her. People begin to hate me because I let her do what she wanted to do. So I leave but now feel it's time I have control over the dream. I leave out the alley way door and stop the rain. I begin to float and go around the corner to see shelves of cute shoes all recalled. I pick through them but am spotted by a bad man in a suit. He makes a grab at me but misses me. I float up above his head and feel bad for him. I think I pity him for not understanding I can do what ever I want now.

5/26/12 Dream Part 1

I am sitting on a couch with James and Don. It is a dark spacious room with a large tv infront with controls hanging from the ceiling. I recognize this is an advances game system for virtual reality.
It's an ancient arena. In first person I see a minecraft gui. Myself and 3 others are traveling through to find a way towards something. There are collectibles that are poler roids. Under water i see them scattered along the bottom and must collect then because my air meter runs out. We go to the next room on the other side of a water tunnel. The boss battle begins and in the water is a behemoth, a leviathan of some kind.
james gets up and goes around the couch  and I feel the warmth of Don at my side. While playing my feet have worked their way on to his knees.  We wait for james to return from the kitchen.

5/23/2012 Dream

I am at my fathers house. my grandmother is with me in the living room. We are waiting for someone to deliver a ingredient. It's dangerous because depending on who shows up it will tell us if something has gone wrong at the fight. It will either be a bald shorter Mexican guy and a tall dark haired guy with a thick beard. We here a truck pull up and slam it's door. I run to the window to peer behind the curtains
 the tall dark hair'd man with a beard has made it. It seems to be the wrong option. I ready my cellphone to call those who can help. The man rings our doorbell and my grandmother answers it. He stands there motionless except for holding out a crumpled brown bag filled with something. She takes it then locks the door. We know he is a day walking vampire now. I rush to lock every door and window in the house. On the way back from the back door I catch a glimpse of a coat sleeve outside the sliding glass door. In an attempt to scary him from trying to open it I walk in front of the curtain face my cat's litter box. I loudly and calming ask my grandmother if we have litter. This will make him think we are calm. I get my grandmother to my back bedroom and ask her to lock the door on the other side. I think I intend to fight him. Then my father shows up asking what is wrong. With him looks like the man at first and I nervously say dad. but instead it isn't the man but a tall dark haired boy who knows my father. My dad picked him up while walking on the highway towards the convieniace store. He was the one at the glass sliding doors and explains he always let's himself in there when i am not here.i tell my dad about the bad man and he says there isn't anyone here. I run to the window to see the tan truck had left. We relax and sit and talk on the couches in my bedroom. i say how I'll never understand why my father and grandmother never lock doors. My father asks my grandmother to explain how things used to be. A time with there wasn't a need to lock your door. My grandmother slouches back like a angsty teenager playing with her iphone game.

5/22/12 Dream

I was in a hospital waiting room. I sat on a pale blue couch facing towards the window. We are on a higher floor because out the window I see the sky and the top of the next building. A large family comes and sits around me. I recognize them as my favorite youtubers, the Shaytards. I chit chat telling them how funny it is. I said I waited here before in the same seat when I went to got my tonsils removed. Now to sit here with celebrities is surreal. They all stand so I stand too. There is a line forming at the double door where patients go. I followed along with the family in line. Behind me came my family. My grandfather was pulling his saggy jeans up like he always used to do. I was confused why he was there because he died. My dad comes to me to explain that he was just sick and we buried an empty casket last year. I hug him wanting to ask him questions about being dead. Instead I filed back in line and stay staring forward.

5/21/2012 Dream

I was at my grandmothers house. It was only me and my father. We were navigating her dark trailer and he was rushing me. I was wearing layers of clothes which looked like a black and white corset  onsomble. They were tight and uncomfortable, cutting at my arms and legs, I felt cramped in the narrow halls of the trailer. My father was speaking to me. Said something like...Don't you know it's the aniversary. Don't you care. From this i understood it was the aniversary of my grandfathers death. What we were getting ready and rushed for had something to do about that. he opened the backdoor and pulled his truck around. I needed to change because my pants had shrunk so much it felt like I was only in my panties. The trailer was getting darker and I had to feel my way to my old childhood room. The door was getting stuck on the high carpet and things behind blocked the door. I wiggle through the narrow opening, getting frustrated of having no room. Suddenly I outside fo my grandmothers trailer, in the bright sun on top of a hill I played on as a child. There was a layout of all my funiture and dirty clothes from my dorm room around me. Near an old tree I feel that there are people to ignore. I assume they are the neighbors black children all coming closer and stairing. I am suddenly ashamed of my tight binding clothes and pantslessness. I find a pair of dark denim shorts and quickly put them on. I begin to walk to my fathers truck. Underfoot the grass feels prickly like untamed meadow. As lightly as I can and quickly, I sprint down hill.

Do I or do I not Dreams

My most basic dream is those of simple actions. Either one or two odd things I can encounter in my daily life.

It is often my alternative choice that I had made. A pen is left near the sidewalk; I decided to not pick it up. That night or when I sleep, I am back at that moment where I decided not to pick up the pen. Instead, I pick it up and place it in my purse. When I wake I feel a completeness, like that moment was weighing on me and now I could let it go. If it is a grocery list that was folded left in a shopping cart that I do not read, in my dream I will open it to read out items I guess was there.

Not all of them are the moments of choice.  Some are ones that complete a goal I gave myself that I did not actually achieve. If losing an item caused me distress and I did not find it, it my dream it will be at my feet to pick up. Chores such as folding the laundry or reorganizing the shelves are done in length, all in first person. Even a missed call may be returned when I had no intention of actually returning it awake.

I am a natural collector of odds and ends so I think it contributes to the feeling of completeness I feel when I dream of picking up passed items. When I was younger I had a jewelry box filled with the odd lost earring or piece of a key chain. Things I found mildly interesting such as a sealed wrapper missing it's candy or strange shaped pebble found it's way there.

Beginning Dreams

This is my introduction. Let's start at the beginning.

 Before I had a grasp of reality I was a little girl. She remembers vividly the great white shark swimming towards her from behind the couch. At the end of the dark hallway was spider man, just in his crouch stance on top of the washer. Nap time was transported to the moon, little mounds of sleeping aliens surrounding her. Was any of it real; no of course not. This is my childhood, my memories and my dreams.

 This collection of dreams will be a catalog of every dream I remember to it's fullest from the beginning and every dream in the future. It's time to stop ignoring the art my mind as created.